I have no desire to underestimate the worth of physical comfort or the charm of youth; but if happiness truly consists in physical ease and freedom from care, then the happiest individual would not be either a man or a woman. It would be, I think, an American cow. American cows and American dogs are ladies and gentlemen of leisure; in Europe they hitch them up3 and make them draw loads. Take therefore an average day in the life of an American cow, and we shall see that it is not far from the commonly accepted ideal of human happiness.
 
      The cow rises in the morning, and with one flick4 of her tail her toilet is completed for the whole day. This is a distinct advantage over humanity. It takes the average woman (and it ought to) about three-quarters of an hour every single day to arrange her appearance. The cow does not have to brush her teeth, the cow does not have to bob5 her hair, the cow does not have to select appro- priate and expensive garments6 or carry a compact7; one flick, and she is ready.
 
      And when she is ready, breakfast is ready. She does not have to light the kitchen fire herself or to mourn because the cook has left without notice. The grass is her cereal8 breakfast and the dew thereupon is the cream. After eating for an hour or so, she gazes meditatively9 into the middle distance querying10 first, whether that grass yonder11 is lusher and greener than this, and second, if it be so, whether peradventure12 it is worth the trouble to walk there and take it. Such an idea as that will occupy the mind of a cow for three hours. After grazing, without haste and without rest, she reaches by noon the edge of a stream. “Lo13, here is water; what hinders14 me from descending and slaking15 my thirst?” She descends about waist deep into the cooling stream; and after external and internal refreshment16 she walks with dignity to the shade of a spreading tree and sits down calmly in the shadow. There and then she begins to chew the cud17. Her upper jaw remains stationary18 while the lower revolves in a kind of solemn rapture19; there is on her placid20 features no pale cast21 of thought; the cow chewing the cud has very much the expression of a healthy American girl chewing gum. I never see one without thinking of the other.
 
      The eyes of a cow are so beautiful that Homer22 gave them to the Queen of Heaven, because he could not think of any other eyes so large, so lustrous23, so liquid, and so untroubled. Cows are never perturbed24 by introspection25 or by worry. Cows do not worry about the income tax or the League of Nations; a cow does not lie awake at night wondering if her son is going to the devil in some distant city. Cows have none of the thoughts that inflict upon humanity distress and torture26. I have observed many cows, and there is in their beautiful eyes no perplexity27; their serene faces betray28 no apprehension29 or alarm; they are never even bored.
 
      Well, since the daily life of an American cow is exactly the existence held up to us as ideal—physical comfort with no pains and no worries, who wouldn’t be a cow? Very few human beings would be willing to change into cows, which must mean only one thing. Life, with all its sorrows, cares, perplexities, and heartbreaks, is more interesting than bovine happiness, hence more desirable. The more interesting it is, the happier it is. And the happiest person is the person who thinks the most interesting thoughts.

      我不想低估物质享受的价值，也无意贬低青春年少的魅力。但是，如果幸福真的就是指物质上的安逸和精神上的无忧无虑，那么，最幸福的个体，既不会是男人，也不会是女人，我想恐怕是美国的母牛。美国的狗和母牛恰似闲适安逸的绅士淑女；而在欧洲，它们却得套上辇绳，负荷载货。所以过上普通一天美国母牛的生活，我们便可知道，它与公认的理想的人类幸福相差不远。
 
      早上，母牛起来，尾巴轻轻一摆，一整天的梳妆打扮就完成了。在这一点上她明显比人类占优势。一般女人每天要（而且应该）花大半个钟头来打理她的容貌衣着。母牛不必刷牙，不必理发，更不必挑选得体昂贵的衣服，也不必随身携带化妆盒。尾巴一拂，便万事俱备。
 
      当母牛收拾停当，早饭也准备就绪。她不必亲自生火做饭，也不必为厨师的不辞而别而忧伤。早餐青草为粮，草上露水是奶油。一个小时左右的早餐享用之后，她若有所思地凝视着前方不远处，先自问： 远处的青草会不会比这里的更茂盛鲜绿呢？然后又问：果真如此的话，值不值得劳神过去吃呢？这么一个想法，她会花整整三个小时来琢磨。吃过青草，她迈着不紧不慢的步子来到一条小溪旁，此时已到了中午光景。“瞧，这里有水，干吗不下去喝个够？”于是，她走进齐腰深的清凉溪水里。身心清爽之后，她便大摇大摆地踱向一片树荫，安然地坐下来，开始反刍。她的下颚认真而急切地转个不停，上颚却一动不动。她平静的脸上看不出丝毫思考的迹象；母牛反刍时的神态与体格健康的美国女孩嚼口香糖的表情非常相似。我看到其中一个总会想起另一个。
 
      母牛的眼睛非常美丽，所以荷马将其赋予天后，因为他想象不出还有什么眼睛会像母牛的眼睛那样大而明亮、清澈安详。母牛绝对不会因为内省或忧虑而烦躁不安，也不为个人所得税和国际联盟而忧愁。她不用因为担心自己儿子在某个遥远的城市里会堕落而辗转反侧，夜不能寐。母牛从来没有那些让人类忧心忡忡、饱受煎熬的想法。我曾经观察过很多母牛，发现她们美丽的眸子里没有丝毫困惑；她们平静的脸上也没有一点儿忧虑惶恐；她们甚至从来不觉单调无聊。
 
      那么，既然美国母牛一天的生活恰如其分地代表了我们理想的生存方式———物质享乐，没有痛苦，没有忧虑，谁不乐意做一头牛呢？但是，几乎没有人会愿意变成牛，这无疑说明了一个道理：人的生活尽管有悲痛、忧虑、困惑、心碎，也比母牛的那份幸福有意思得多，因此也就更可取。生活越有趣就越幸福。而最幸福的人，莫过于那拥有最有趣想法的人。
Notes: 
1. bovine牛的 
2. William Lyon Phelps （1865-1943） 美国著名教育家、文学批评家和作家，极具演讲才能，主要著作包括《现代小说家评论集》、《现代戏剧家评论集》、《20世纪戏剧》等。
3. hitch up 把牲畜套在车上（或工具上） 
4. flick 轻拂，轻掸 
5. bob 剪短（头发） 
6. garment 衣服 
7. compact 带镜粉盒
8. cereal 谷物 
9. meditatively 冥想地
10. query 质问，询问 
11. yonder在那边 
12. peradventure [古] 或许，可能 
13. lo 瞧!看! 
14. hinder阻止
15. slake解（渴） 
16. refreshment 爽快，恢复活动力 
17. chew the cud 反刍 
18. stationary 静止的，不动的 
19. rapture 着迷，痴迷 
20. placid平静的，温和的 
21. cast （细微的） 痕迹 
22. Homer 荷马，古希腊史诗《伊利亚特》和《奥德赛》的作者 
23. lustrous有光泽的，有光彩的 
24. perturb 使烦恼，使担心 
25. introspection 反省，自省 
26. inflict upon ... torture 此处动词宾语后置，正常语序为inflict distress and torture upon humanity。inflict 使遭受 
27. perplexity 困惑 
28. betray 泄露 （秘密），露出……迹象
29. apprehension 忧虑，恐惧